I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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