i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
