i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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