U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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