There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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