Nicole vs. Life
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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