It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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