is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
