Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
