tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I'm really busy with my period
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