also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
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Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
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Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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