im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
only you would photoshop your dick
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
