so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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