ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
