in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
