My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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