A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
