I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
