Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
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The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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