We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
