It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
