Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
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you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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