What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
