so explain again why im purple
no
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize