Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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