Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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