terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
