You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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