He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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