She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
