Soap is not a condiment
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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