I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
