sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
