Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
