my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
