Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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