You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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