My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
