it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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