I threw up into my coffee this morning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
