so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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