woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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