I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
