just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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