i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
