11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
