You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
what is it with giant penises always finding me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
