Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
