Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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