I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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