You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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