dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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