I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I will pee on everything he values.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
