Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
