I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
