i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
