I'm jealous of your bromance
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
