just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize