2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
