You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
