Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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