Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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