He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
